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Valentine’s Day: A Married Couple’s Guide to Gift Giving

In the early days of our relationship, we often celebrate Valentine’s Day with romance and grand gestures. However, in marriage, the day sometimes loses importance and goes by without much celebration. For better or worse, February 14th is a highly publicized national holiday. In this way, when the day passes without distinction or acknowledgement, people often feel disappointed and receive an unspoken message that they are unimportant to their spouse. However, lavish gifts and grand gestures are not required on Valentine’s Day. In fact, in my experience as a marriage counselor, people often express a longing for connection and to hear that they are loved and appreciated by their spouse. As a result, forgo the chocolates this year. Instead, do something that communicates love for your partner.

Not sure where to start? Don’t worry. I have put together a Couples Conversation Guide with questions that are designed to stimulate intimacy and deepen connection between you and your spouse. So, snuggle up on the couch and take turns answering the following questions:

Couples Conversation Guide

1. What did it feel like to fall in love with your spouse?
2. What initially attracted you to your spouse?
3. What do you identify or feel is a strength of your relationship?
4. What is an attribute that you admire or respect most about your spouse?
5. Share a time/moment/experience when you felt happy in your relationship and/or connected to your spouse.
6. What is something you’d like to experience/what place would you like to go with your spouse?
7. What is something that you find attractive (body part/attribute/quality) about your spouse?
8. Identify and share one of your biggest fears.
9. What is something that your spouse does/a ways that they best communicate love to you?
10. What is a hope that you have for your relationship?

Tips:

• Make the conversation playful by coming up with some fun and flirty rules.
• Get vulnerable: tell your spouse that you are nervous/scared that you will choke under pressure, or miscommunicate something and accidentally hurt their feelings. People are more forgiving and less likely to get disappointed or hurt when they understand the actual intention behind the words.
• If it feels comfortable, look into each other’s eyes and touch while you talk.
• Your spouse is more likely to open up and connect with you if you are curious and refrain from judgment or opinion.

I wish you love and connection with your spouse this Valentine’s Day.

*Please email me to obtain a copy of the Couples Conversation Guide.